Thursday, September 26, 2013

Everyday Neuroses

I hate small talk.  I hate when people call just to chat and have nothing to say, and I hate running into old acquaintances at bars who say "so, how've ya been?"  It's been six years since we last spoke, would you like me to summarize that for you or can we please just stop pretending to care about each other's lives?  The people who ask those questions are the ones who just use it as a segue into them talking about their own lives and honestly, I don't care.  The same way I know they don't care about mine.

There's a Starbucks near work and it's the only one convenient to get to on my way.  The guy that works there weekday mornings insists on small talking with everyone, and while some people love it, I have taken to forgoing my morning pick-me-up rather than be forced to have awkward conversation with him.  He always forgets my name (no, still not Michelle) but calls me by it anyway, and he also calls out my order to the barista before I even get to speak.  Sure, grande non-fat Cinnamon Dolce is great, but sometimes I want some variety.  He's already yelled it though and the barista has started writing it on the cup and so I feel uncomfortable specifying that, no, I actually want a salted caramel mocha today, thank you very much.  Other people who go to this Starbucks LOVE this treatment.  They seem to experience such glee in the fact that the cashier remembers their names and their orders, and love telling him about their days.  He asked me where I work once and I told him and he misheard and started saying how he interviewed there and now always asks me about the wrong workplace.  Am I the asshole for not correcting him?  I really am Larry David.

The same goes for the Exxon nearby.  I refuse to go because the attendant always tells me about his damn weekend.  And it's always something ridiculous like he ended up in the hospital doing some Jackass style prank.  That's fine but please don't force me to think of responses for that.  Maybe I'm just condescending and cynical though, maybe other people really do care about other people's lives.  Maybe everyone was laughing at Larry David, and not because his behavior resonated with them for being the way they feel and act.

Now if you'll excuse me, there's a phone call I've been putting off making all morning because there is literally (not literally) nothing else in the world I dread doing more.

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