Saturday, September 14, 2013

It's the Freakin Weekend

Yesterday was my last day being able to cover bad hair days with a hard hat this week, I kinda wish I could throw it back on right now. Doing the 80 miles home Thursday and the. Back there and home again Friday was pretty rough. I will probably be staying over next week. The operators came into the control room and apologized to me a few times for their language, they must not know I'm from Staten Island. 

I started off doing a half moon thing with gold on the bottom and then red on top but the gold glitter I was using didn't have nearly enough coverage and my nails are too short to make it work right now. I really need to stop biting my nails and cuticles, it's such a bad habit but I can't stop! 

Anyway so I had this friend for a long time. It was fine but she just had very different views from me on a lot of things. That isn't an issue in and of itself but she was always condescending about things to me, saying I was wrong always (even when it was things like my own workplace, things she literally knows nothing about) and making me feel bad about things. I would vent to her about things I didn't like that were going on and then she would use them against me later to make me feel shitty. I never did this to her when she did things I disagreed with - it was weird because she seemingly lived a more "open minded" lifestyle than I did when she was the one judging me on everything, intentionally ignoring the fact that maybe things that work for her don't for me and instead making me feel like shit for making different decisions and having different priorities. 

She wants to get dinner tonight but I am feeling conflicted. We didn't speak all summer because it just got to the point where she was so negative about things I was excited for that I didn't want to tell her anything anymore. She was in a very unhappy place then, discontent with her job and school program, and so in many ways I think her negativity towards me was situational, but what if it wasn't and I end up in the same cycle of not wanting to be mean to her when she's down but also being too sensitive to handle my life decisions being constantly questioned?  I should be less sensitive probably but I just don't get why people think its okay to be so critical of non life threatening things. If I was a heroin addict and she was staging an intervention it would be different but we are talking about my wearing red lipstick, and then not even asking her opinion before she starts telling me how inappropriate it is for work. Girl you've never been to my work, what on earth do you know?  Having opinions is fine but she is so absolute in them, even when she's wrong, that she thinks saying mean things about how I dress or do my hair is really just her being a good friend and helping me. I know my wardrobe is drab and colorless but hey, shut the fuck up eh?

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