Monday, January 27, 2014

Less than Human

While I'm currently being dehumanized by being forced to sit in a waiting room after work, when I finally get to go the fuck home, for hours waiting for my doctor who either can't figure out how time works or intentionally schedules terribly, I got to thinking about how dehumanizing work has become for me since the incident.

I'm now the whiner. The whiny girl who can't hang or get along with anyone. I went from being fine and getting along with people well enough to now being a total loner, isolated from my coworkers and left out of everything. I'm not even included in email chains anymore, and the people who I used to have a good rapport with don't even say hi or bye. 

Maybe it's my fault. I have trouble keeping friends too - maybe no one likes me? But I tend to think that none of this would have happened if I weren't a girl. 

Certainly my disgusting former cubicle mate wouldn't have been so aghast at having to give in to the requests of a fellow man, and certainly he would have treated me with more respect and not acted like I was just being over dramatic if whatever else. Certainly I wouldn't have been so annoyed over stupid shit had I not had to listen to him wax idiotically about women's roles in the workplace and society endlessly. Certainly I wouldn't have had to have been the one to move if I wasn't just the little girl. 

I fucking hate it. I'm trying to deal with it but no one respects me, no one asks me anything, no one (save for one person who I know will read this and hope won't take offense!) acknowledges my existence as a coworker.  One guy who walks over everyday says hi to everyone else but won't even smile back at me. 

It's exhausting feeling so worthless everyday. I'm exhausted when I leave work mainly from this, not even from a long day of work done. Would I be so worthless if I was a man? Would I be included in email chains and after work plans?

So I'm left with two options - it's me, or it's that I'm different from everyone else. And boy do I hope it's the latter. 


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  2. Thanks for your comment, I will! <3