Friday, May 30, 2014

Is this Week Over Yet?

The end of my Austin trip was awful.  It should have been fun but of course I sabotaged it by looking at people's Instagrams I had no business looking at and just making myself feel bad.  I spent my last night that I planned on heading out the The Driskill on Dirty 6th instead eating room service and watching Buffy on Netflix, wishing I could be home already.

The class itself was great, although I felt at a disadvantage because I am really not good with damn screwdrivers and the way things are set up it's very difficult to get at the teeny tiny screws you need to turn with your left hand (again, I reiterate, left handed people are the last group not explicitly protected by the Constitution and frankly it's a major issue).  Things took me a little longer but after getting over the initial frustration I was able to laugh it off.

Last weekend was Memorial Day Weekend but I wasn't feeling up to going to the shore after my miserable week away from home so my boyfriend and I headed in to Le Bain, the rooftop bar at The Standard Hotel.  It was a gorgeous day, perfect to sit on some astroturf with a pitcher of margaritas and get too drunk to remember how you even got home.  It was packed but we made some friends and enjoyed the view (and the super strong drinks).

Well, actually, I know we took a ferry home because I do have these pictures I managed to take from it, I just don't remember getting there and waiting for it.

We are going to go down to the beach tonight, and then tomorrow my boyfriend will leave and a friend also in the share will come and I'll head home with her.  I'm not sure if it will be quite beach weather yet but at the very least it'll be nice out and the bars will be fun.  

I probably should work on my application essays this weekend but I know if I stay home I still won't, and then I'll just feel even worse.  I've already gotten started but I'm struggling with the personal expression (duh) and fitting my career aspirations into a measly 250 words.

dress: theory leilana leather sleeve in navy || bag: balenciaga papier two tone flap

I really overdid the black and navy thing today, huh?  

I hope everyone else's last week went a lot better than mine.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014


I am in Austin for some training at my company HQ on hardware and troubleshooting. 

What I have learned so far is I cannot successfully use a screw driver. I am going to blame it on being lefty and being unable to do most damn things because we are discriminated against consistently (looking at you, scissors). 

And here I thought I did all that studying in college so I would never have to use a screw driver. 

How's everyone else's week?

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

I Don't Remember it Being Like This...

I got my last two wisdom teeth taken out yesterday and holy shit is it way worse than I remember from the last time I got some removed.  Granted, that was 5 years ago and my (very cute) oral surgeon informed me that it would have been better to get these two taken out back then too, but I was scared to do them all at once and then never had a problem so never got around to going back.  It won't stop bleeding and I am sick of chomping on gauze and I just want to stop tasting blood!

I was supposed to be at day 3 of a conference today but I look too much like a chipmunk to face leaders in industry.  My boss invited me along to this conference for networking purposes but he's kind of rough to network with, as he's all over the place and fidgety and doesn't really keep up with current events so small talk is a little difficult.  He's incredibly smart and so, so good at what he does, but sometimes these things just end up being super awkward for me.  I tried making friends with a woman who worked for one of the schools I am applying to but I don't think she was having it; win some, lose some.

Mother's Day was really nice.  My good friend from college came over and we hung out outside and all got sunburnt and drank margaritas.  I made vanilla panna cotta with blackberry coulis and little lemon shortbread cookies, something I've never tried before, and it turned out surprisingly well!  I had no idea how easy panna cotta is to make and since it's so plain and refreshing it lends itself to so many different combinations and variations that I can definitely see this becoming a staple for me.

For the panna cotta, I used this recipe by David Lebowitz which I found both easy to follow and easy to execute and for the lemon shortbread cookies I followed this recipe from Delicious Happens and they turned out well although I made them into little mini versions.  For the coulis, I just smooshed some blackberries in a pot with triple sec and water over high heat until all juice were released, strained this to remove the seeds, and then returned to the pot to cook some more while adding sugar to taste.  It's really easy.

I opted to keep mine in the glasses and eat them that way because we all know how my molten chocolate cakes turn out when I try to depot those.  Besides these big few, I made a bunch of teeny ones in little dessert glasses and will try to remember to capture one of those all set up before devouring it.  I'm excited to try chocolate sauce or even just honey on top!

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Having a Rough Day Here!

It's been a long day.  I've been trying to come up with ideas for what to write about myself for any of the essays I need to write but I'm at a total loss.  Even the whole personal statement thing - I really don't know what I want to do and I can't even fathom that schools expect me to.

Today was the last day of doing this big test we run with customers, which is a relief.  I like that it gives me something to do but it's tiring and my hand hurts from signing my name a thousand times on a thousand different sheets of paper.  I am going out for sushi with a friend from college tonight, and beforehand we are going to visit an old adviser and ask him for recommendation letters.

I asked a former professor at NYU for one and felt saddened to realize that I didn't really make any close relationships with anyone there during my time, certainly not close enough that I would expect them to remember me.  I wonder if this is just an effect of having gone to a big school or another thing I really missed out on because I was too busy doing anything but whatever it was I should have been doing.

It's another crappy rainy day here but I'm stuck at work anyway so I don't mind.  I think I'm having an existential crisis, but I'm now sure how you know when you're having one (which seems kind of like an existential crisis within an existential crisis if you ask me).  I hate everything and then I hate myself for it.

shirt: burberry brit leather epaulet wool tee || pants: vince ponte ski pants || bag: balenciaga black RH city

Is anyone else feeling the effects of seasonal affective disorder right now?  I am hoping that's what this is.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I Feel Like I'm 16 Again

Okay so I thought taking the GRE would be the hardest part to get myself to do, but my goodness these grad school applications are no joke!

I am looking into the NYU Stern MBA and the third essay option is such a sign of the times:

Does that mean I am expected to do something creative here?  Will my submission be disregarded as amateurish and hurriedly put together if I don't have an impeccably directed and edited 10 minute video to include?  I understand they are only saying you can be creative, not that you must, but really, what's the subtext here?  Is this like when a woman says something is "totally fine" to mean that that thing is, in fact, totally not fine at all?

The first two essays were fine.  Why are you interested, what are your aspirations, the same things I learned to bullshit through when I was applying for colleges.  But this, this is different.

As I read it, I started to sweat.  Breathing became difficult; the air was suddenly too thick to take in easily and I panted to catch my breath.  I quickly Googled the NYU Stern Personal Experience essay and was bombarded with YouTube submission after YouTube submission, expertly crafted videos and other sort of multimedia "things" I don't even know the name for conveying to an admissions panel not only how perfect this person is for their program, but also how exceptionally creative and forward-thinking and all sorts of other great qualities that go beyond IQ they are. 

I switched back to the spreadsheet I was working on.  Could I make an Excel sheet that could somehow impress the panel while telling them more about myself, or the myself I want them to see? I wondered.  Could I develop a control module and graphic that would somehow express whatever message it is I want to send?  I can hardly even explain my job to people, let alone use my experience and knowledge of it and the software I use in a way that an admissions panel would not only find captivating but also informative.  What if I showed up and set up their network for them?  What if I sent in a video of me troubleshooting hardware problems at a huge pharmaceutical plant that ultimately ends with me saying, "Well, did you restart it?" and suddenly the problem is fixed?

In a society where we are constantly trying to outdo each other, I'm not sure that I am really capable of outdoing anyone.  Surely every idea one could think of has been done, and those that haven't been done should remain that way because they were probably stupid in the first place.  Suddenly these essays felt less about expressing myself and more about competing for attention with the flashiest submission.  I was reminded of that time in fourth grade when our teacher had us do a visual book report and my incredibly un-crafty self got a low grade for trying to do something that really reflected the message of the book while girls who I felt showed less understanding of the book in their presentations got better grades because their visuals (likely assembled by their parents!! but I'm not bitter or anything, no) had more flash.  

The application deadline for the fall semester is next week, and something tells me I'm still going to be way too worried about what I should do for this to actually do it by then.  Oh well, there's always spring.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Buy Me Some Peanuts and Crackerjacks...

This past weekend was fun, albeit tiring.  We are getting ready for the shore house this summer and making our last rent payment next week, so it's time to start thinking of all the things we need!  Beyond copious amounts of food, booze and paper towels we're kind of at a loss but I'm sure we'll figure it out as we go.  One girl decided after the first rent payment she wasn't interested in doing it anymore which made all of our payments go up and was kind of a bummer, but maybe it will be nice having less people and more space to ourselves.

On Sunday I went to a Yankees game with my boyfriend and a bunch of his friends.  We tailgated before going in and had a great time, even though it was a bad loss.  I love the bars near Yankee Stadium after the games - they're so much fun although definitely moreso if there's a win to celebrate.  My boyfriend and I trooped it back to my house via the subway afterwards and settled in to eat some eggplant and watch Game of Thrones, but of course fell asleep around 7:30 and didn't wake up until GoT was halfway over.  At least it gives us something to watch tonight!

jacket: andrew marc brynn leather || sweater: j. crew pencil strip cashmere || jeans: 7 for all mankind roxanne || shoes: converse chuck taylor in unbleached white || bag: louis vuitton neverfull MM

Our seats in the bleachers were not nearly as good as last time we went to a game and sat in the barstool seats at field level but there was a Bug Light vendor that sold huge souvenir cups nearby so we were content.  I did miss having the table in front of me and the ease of getting out without disturbing everyone else that comes with the barstool seats though; those are definitely my choice for next time even though they are a little more expensive.

How was everyone else's weekend?

Friday, May 2, 2014

Pyramid Schemes and Animal Print

Sometimes when I'm bored I end up looking at the Instagram of someone I know peripherally and then stalking out every single person they talk to on there to try and determine their friends and family and the people they connect with.  It's not that I care, I'm just curious and once I start I can't stop.  These aren't people I'm invested in at all, just totally random human beings who generally come from the same place I do.

Doing this this morning, I encountered a girl who is posting nonstop about Herbalife, which is a company that sells mainly nutritional products.  She's posting pictures of jewelry and wads of cash and a new car all thanks to Herbalife, but is this all a lie?  I know there's only a very, very, infinitesimally small chance it's really working because this is clearly a pyramid scheme, but then what's the point of advertising all these lies?  She has all these connections to other people doing the same thing and it just seems so insane to me, almost cultish, the way these people will publicly do anything to defend their "employer" and give off the appearance that they are incredibly successful with it, even though the data shows that the average sales per distributor (not including the expenses spent buying the product upfront and the amount you end up buying and using yourself) are only $1,047 per year - not even close to being enough to buy a car or really much of anything beyond a shitty used Vespa.

Is this all to save face, people trying to convince themselves that they made good decisions after publicly anticipating making hundreds of thousands in extra wages each year, or are these people deluded?  I'd ask, but something tells me I wouldn't get a very good answer.

pants: theory latani b in leopard print  || top: t. babaton plain black tee || jacket: vince crew neck leather || shoes: boutique 9 yendo loafers

Today is the first nice day in a while (if you don't include yesterday which was awful until noon and gorgeous thereafter).  I decided to use the opportunity to wear these silk Theory leopard print pants that were too light for winter, even though I couldn't find the top I was hoping to wear them with.  I like them but I feel like I am at a loss as far as making outfits with them, any ides?